


Emotional Torture

by justaduelist



Category: South Park
Genre: Freeform, M/M, love shit, toxic stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 19:30:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8297620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justaduelist/pseuds/justaduelist
Summary: in which kyle goes to uni or: how kenny is heartbroken





	

You know I’m in love with you and you’re in love with me, but to be honest what is it that keeps us going every day, is it that feeling that curls up deep in our bones or is this just weighting us down.

Love is one thing but actually living another, and maybe I just love and don’t live. Life is harsh right now for both of us, but you’re not telling and I’m not doing it either. 

The honest truth is that you are not the one making my day brighter. You only put one more thing to deal with on the list of all the things I shouldn’t focus on but do. 

Everything crashes together I don’t know why I am waking up every day anymore. It is not just your behavior destroying me, but also my self-destructive thoughts leading me into my own personal hell.

I don’t think you ever got what you do to me because I’m not feeling fine and I don’t want to hurt you. Still, I cannot keep this up.  
I need someone who helps me waking up in the morning, and you never did this to me, to be utterly honest. I would really like you to be such a person to me and I think you would really like this too, but why isn’t it working out then? 

Why don’t you get what you are doing? 

I miss you more than anyone else and you miss me too, but what is it worth, this love? Is it worth to keep it all up or should I just crash down and stop it now. 

There are those days I cannot feel a thing because everything at all is too much for me to handle so everything shuts down for some days, and those days I realize what you are doing to me and it’s nowhere near good. At those days I want to stop this whole shit because I cannot listen to Black Parade on repeat all the time because I want to be happy, but you are keeping me down. 

But I never say that I want to leave because I know what it will do to you, and I don’t want to do this to you. 

My love is honest, and I know this because I loved before. 

I always tell myself that I cannot leave you when I’m my emotionless self and it’s true, I need to do this when I feel or I wouldn’t be able to keep this up. 

Because you know, I love you more than a lot of things and you always are my priority number one, but I don’t know what I mean to you exactly. I know you are aware of what love is and what it means because I know you loved before.

And maybe you loving me is the only thing I still believe you in. I don’t usually believe a single word you say because you don’t usually keep it, so why trust you when you cannot even reserve some time you promised I will get. 

But the thing about me is that I am rather going through this emotional torture than to leave, because if you would ask me to tell you one thing about myself I am really sure of, then I would say that I never leave first.

I believe that when two people love each other they should stay, hard times come and hard times go, and maybe you are in love with the hard time and the good might never come. But love is love and love is something to keep to death I think. 

So I won’t leave but I won’t ever promise that I will stay because I can never be sure how much I can handle or how long I will be able to not break down.

I could easily show you this but I know you would be hurt and I know I couldn’t do that. I know I’m toxic and I tried to change it, but I am hopeless so let us be hopeless together.


End file.
